posted by Kandi
I’m going to start this blog with a disclaimer. I am going to share parts of what happened and some of it is not very nice to say. This is something that is happening in my hubby’s family and it has affected our family so much that we/he felt something had to be done.
Here is the story. My father in law is cheating on my mother in law. It has been going on for about 3 years and MIL finally got tired of dealing with it. This week FIL is on vaction with his mistress. We know where he went and Chuck wanted to go and confront his dad. A brave thing to do in my book. Here is how it went down….
We drove about 4 or so hours to the lake resort and luckily I have an relative that lives nearby. We got there about 8 in the evening and drove to the resort to verify that his dad was there…he was. Then we went back to my relatives house to stay overnight. We got up bright and early to head back over to the resort.
We sat in our van for about 3 hours doing survelience. We took our video camera and digital camera to make sure what we thought was happening truly was. I was very nervous and Chuck was sick to his stomach he was so scared. When we first got there, no one was awake, so we chose an out of the way spot to park the van and still be inconspicuous. About 30 minutes into our wait, the curtains opened and out walked his dad followed by the other woman. We knew it was her because we have seen pictures of her and scoped out her profile on Facebook. Gotta love Facebook!! Anyway, after watching what was going on for about 2 hours or so, Chuck finally worked up a huge amount of courage and walked up to his dad. The scene played out like this:
Dad: “what are you doing here?”
Chuck: “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Then, Chuck turned to the other woman, stuck out his hand and said “hi, I’m Chuck, this is my married father…who the hell are you?”. At this point the woman ran into the cabin and shut herself into the bedroom and locked the door.
Chuck’s dad proceeded to sit down and Chuck got out the piece of paper he had typed up before we left with a list of questions on it that he wanted answered. He went through them one by one and his father played a lot of blame games, never really answering anything to Chuck’s satisfaction. Finally after about 3 hours of talking, yelling, crying and trying to get the answers he wanted, Chuck gave up. His dad then ask if he wanted to meet the other woman. Personally, here is where I would have inserted some rather foul remarks and told him to f___ off, but Chuck said sure. I honestly have no idea why and still don’t. We met the woman, but I honestly didn’t even look at her. I don’t think Chuck really did either. His dad then ask if we wanted to stay and go out onto the lake with them…seriously dude? Are you freaking kidding. Luckily, it was about then Chuck came to his senses and said “no, we have to get back to the kids.” Can I get a huge old Thank God for small favors inserted here please, thank you!!
Several things continue to stick out in my mind even now that we are back at home and attempting to get things back to normal.
First, his dad NEVER answered why or told us his side of the story, although he kept telling us we only knew one side. This was his spportunity to give us both sides and he ignored it, so guess what? All we have is what MIL told us so we’ll take that as truth from now on.
Second, he kept repeating how he has ask for a divorce, but can’t afford it. Well, if you can’t afford things why in the h e double hockey sticks are you on a vacation with your mistress????? Yeah, money problems, gotcha. When Chuck and I both ask him about it he quickly changed the subject…how convienent.
Third, this man (my fil) honestly thinks his wife should just up and leave and forget she was ever married. Really, he said, “well, I’ve ask her to leave and she won’t”. Yeah, here’s the issue with that one. My mil has never had to work, she raised her kids and now dotes on her grandkids. She has worked maybe a total of 5 years out of a 38 year marriage and he doesn’t think she deserves anything…really? There are laws set into place for such arrogance. Chuck repeatedly mentioned this to his dad, even at one point saying, “well, there are laws for issues like this and frankly dad, they aren’t going to be in your favor”. While that was just a guess, I would think they aren’t in his favor either.
So, we came home. Chuck’s mom was at our house watching the kids for us while we did this. Unknown to fil is that mil has already seen a lawyer and knows what she is entitled to. According to the lawyer, that’s half of everything…house, cars, boat, 401k, pension, retirement, IRA’s…everything. In our state, once you have been married for a long length of time (35 years), you are entitled to half of all the assets. Apparently, fil thinks this is BS and wants to keep everything for himself…..
Lastly, the one BIG thing that keeps sticking out of this whole situation goes back to something Chuck and his dad talked about. When ask why he was cheating the answer was “because I havne’t been happy for 10 to 12 years”. Chuck’s reply to that was….”well, Kandi and I has a really rough patch after the baby was born a couple of years ago and almost seperated. Even though we have since worked things out, I NEVER EVER thought of going out and finding another woman, no matter how unhappy I was”…..that people, is why I love him more each day!
So, for the time being, his father is not allowed around our kids or in our home. This is just a decision we made. His dad can be really rude and a little hostile at times and we don’t our kids thinking people should be able to talk to others like that…..
I hope everyone had a better weekend than we did. While the actual weekend was extremely stressful, today we feel like a huge cloud of stress that had surrounded our home is dissipating and floating away. Again, Thank God for small favors. We couldn’t have done it without help from Him!!